JaguarsTalk: Jacksonville Jaguars - From OTAs to 53

JaguarsTalk: A 53 man roster based on OTAs? Why not?

OTAs have shown us many things over the past week plus and I, for one, think we’ve seen enough to finalize our 2022 roster. We here at JaguarsTalk are all in on this season, so why wait any longer? Let’s hang some pink slips in lockers and whittle this puppy down. Chris Harrison is standing by with 53 long stems, so what do you say we get this Jags’ rose ceremony started. Let’s tackle the offense first (see what I did there?). Oehser, is that correct? What happens here? I’ve got a question within the parentheses within a statement of a sentence. Normally I just throw commas everywhere, like it’s my job, and call it a day.

I think it’s safe to say that we can get the easy ones out of the way without too much thought (same philosophy I had about my marriages. Turns out that’s probably not the best approach). As my good friend Jackie Gleason would say, “and awaaay we go.”

We need someone to throw the ball (to our guys preferably)... Trevor Lawrence, will you accept this rose?

We need someone to run the ball… Travis Etienne Jr., will you accept this rose?

With Trav not quite selling us yet on his season long durability he will occasionally need to sit for a spell, thus… James Robinson, will you accept this rose?

Oddly enough we seem to remember that Mr. Robinson’s health hasn’t quite proved reliable as of late (tangent time - anyone seen Eddie Murphy do Mr. Robinson’s neighborhood on SNL? “This is how we answer the door in my neighborhood. WHO IS IT!”) and so we feel we should bring in a “ground and pound” specialist to relieve Etienne and Robinson until they’re back to their old selves...Snoop Conner, will you accept this rose (and appear on my podcast after games… The Scoop with Snoop)?

Protection is always important. It is, in fact, one of the two main (ironically opposing) keys to victory on the gridiron. The other being a pass rush. Since opposing pass rushes had a hand in the accumulation of T-Law’s 17 interceptions last season, I’d say protection takes a front seat to almost everything else on this year's offense. Hence Shad Khan shelling out an arm AND a leg for 30 year old, 5-time pro bowler, your friend and mine, Brandon Scherff. It is still unclear whether Brandon left for the money/contract or to avoid Washington’s new horribly thought out moniker. I am no Richard Marx or Beyonce (beautiful singing voices, the both of them), but I do know that “Hail to the Commanders” just doesn’t fit. Brandon Scherff will you accept this rose?

In our previous column we went into great depth concerning this newly acquired magnificent offensive line, so we will draw from that wealth of football knowledge to ask… Cam Robinson, will you accept this rose?

The rest of the offensive line spots are not exactly “easy ones” to fill so we will Jen Psaki those and “circle back.” Next on our list, a receiver that needs no introduction to the Jaguar faithful… Mr. Marvin Jones Jr., will you accept this rose?

I also think it is safe to say that even with a ridiculously expensive off-season signing, early chemistry with Jacksonville’s ball slinger (Fabio’s long lost son. Tell me he doesn’t look the part.) means that we must pose the all important question to… Christian Kirk, will you accept this rose? 

The last “easy one” anchoring the Jax offense is a newbie to Duuuval. Let’s hope he starts living up to expectations since we are spending a very coveted floral selection on his tight end… Evan Engram, will you accept this rose?

And with those selections, we have thrown away, all willy nilly like, nine crimson, velvety blooms. 44 remain (again with the tangents - Richard Zednik was number 44 for the Washington Capitals. His sweater sits in my closet because his work ethic was amazing. The guy just kept at it. Like the Dustin Pedroia of hockey. He was eventually traded to the Florida Panthers where, during a game in 2008, a teammate's skate sliced his carotid artery. Zednik, reached into his neck, pinched off the artery, got back up on his skates and skated off the ice. I’m not convinced he didn’t try to persuade the trainers to stitch him back up and let him get back out there. Total beast mode. Everything would be better if it were hockey).

This is where the process involves a little more thought (I won’t hurt myself). While Trevor Lawrence has proven to be resilient, we would be foolish not to carry a second string QB. We would also be foolish to dress a third stringer. I see no need to waste three roses on this position…C.J. Beathard, will you accept this rose?

Running back is a perplexing quandary. I love Robinson and Etienne, but at this point I trust the health of your local emergency room more than their combined longevity. I want to keep Ryquell Armstead, because, what a story, plus he is thick and compact. 220lbs of big man coming right at you. I’d also keep Nathan Cottrell, a practice squad turned Sunday gamer. I think this is an area where the Jags could use some support. It’s not inconceivable that the top two ball carriers for Jax retire early this season. For this reason, Armstead and Cottrell, will you accept these roses?

Moving back to the big men, we have some holes to fill in this offensive line. Again, we covered this extensively in the last column so we will hand out these roses on the fly. Luke Fortner, Tyler Shatley, Ben Bartch, Walker Little, Jawaan Taylor, KC McDermott, and Will Richardson, will you accept these roses?

I believe that brings us to 34 remaining roses and we still need some peeps to catch the ball. I figure if our newly formed O-line will give Lawrence time to throw it this year, it might be good to have some hands team guys on the receiving end. Zay Jones, will you accept this rose? Now that our starting WRs are out of the way we need to really buckle down on the back ups. By my count, and geometry was never my thing, we have 33 long stems left and we will need a handful of route runners. Let’s set ‘em up and knock ‘em down alphabetically, shall we? Jamal Agnew, Kevin Austin Jr. (my sleeper pick for a big time difference maker). Laviska Shenault Jr. (time for him to come into his own) and Laquon Treadwell. Will you four gentlemen accept these roses? As for the tight ends, I want both Dan Arnold and Chris Manhertz. Will you two gentlemen accept these roses?

Where are we, 29, 28, 27 roses? I’ve lost count. Oh crap, do kickers actually count against your roster? Punter, Logan Cooke, will you accept this rose? As for place kicker, you tell me. Flip a coin here. This may be one of the most difficult choices to make this early on. I’m going to go against the grain and offer my final rose of the column to Nigel “The Leg” Gruff. Nigel, will you accept this rose? Okay fine, since Nigel is roughly 55 years old now and also not a real person, rookie Andrew Mevis out of Iowa State, will you accept this rose?

By god we better have some durable defensive players cause there just aren’t many roses left for the pine riding crowd. Twenty five flowers left, I think. Ask Chris. Where’s Harrison? This is literally his only job.

If you’ve seen Chris Harrison (heard he may have a new gig these days) or if you’ve be keeping accurate count please let us know below in the comments: