The Houston Texans visit Jacksonville
JT: Game three and some are calling it a get right game…Really?
I guess barely losing to the reigning Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs in what turned out to be a defensive battle for the ages (too much?) means that your team needs to get right. Well, maybe so. Maybe so, because the way this Jaguars team was put together, an offensive juggernaut…Well let’s just say we haven’t really seen the offensive or the juggernaut part actually come to fruition on the field. We all know what a COD juggernaut can do. Maybe we have put this offense up on an undeserving pedestal, though they did hang 31 on the Colts in a so-so performance. Imagine what they could have done had they been firing on all cylinders. Then the Kansas City Chiefs came to town and the Jags were playing like a soccer mom minivan with only 4 cylinders and no turbo. It seems they were more worried about MPGs than pure American muscle. Forget all cylinders, the JAX offense wasn’t firing on a damn thing against the Chiefs (was that analogy too much of a stretch? I was really trying to make it work. Don’t care. I like it. It stays). All of this to say that maybe this IS a get right game. But not because the Jags were playing great offense and then suddenly stunk up the bank against KC, instead because they haven’t played great offense yet this season. So will the Jags offense get right against the Houston Texans at Everbank? It hasn’t happened in umpteen years (it’s a word). I sure hope so, but one thing is for sure, the defense will feast today.
In Jacksonville, we thought we had it bad as far as our offensive line woes. Well, I give you the Houston Texans. Starting offensive Tackle Laremy Tunsil is missing his second straight game with a knee injury. Four of Houston’s linemen are on IR while another is sitting on the PUP. Rookie QB CJ Stroud is nursing a shoulder boo boo, but has been cleared to play. Stroud’s been sacked more times than Bud Light has lost customers ,or for the elderly crowd out there, more times than Carter has liver pills (I have to appease my early bird special readers). You know what this means right? It means Josh Allen earns his next contract right here, today, in the Bank. Walker and Allen will combine for 5+ sacks on Stroud today AND I’m not saying that’s a total number, I’m simply saying Walker and Allen will combine for 5. Hell, Houston’s O-line is so bad that Davon Hamilton might get a sack. With all of this talk about Sacksonville one might think that Houston has no offense. Au contraire mon frere, second overall draft pick CJ Stroud is putting on the ritz. He’s got a 63.7% completion percentage for 626 yards and 2 tuddys. The kicker is that he has zero turnovers. That’s right, he hasn’t thrown a single interception All. Year. Long (I understand we are only in week three but let me build the moment here). CJ meet Andre. Andre this is CJ. That Stroud statistic ends today. Cisco snags an INT this afternoon, and for good measure I think Tyson Campbell throws his hat in the ring, as well. Hell folks, when a damn breaks, a flood follows (I think I just made that up. Feel free to use). I see Mike Caldwell’s boys having their biggest game of the season thus far, statiscally speaking. I can’t take anything away from their performance against KC, it was a masterclass for which even Baalke would tip his cap. But this week, against the Texans, DC MC and the boys will reign supreme. So let’s talk about the keys to victory when playing a Houston Texans team against which Trevor Lawrence is 1-3.
Key to victory number one: Show up. I haven’t made my way into the stadium yet but I am willing to bet everything in my bank account right now (enough for a Rita’s Italian ice) that Jacksonville will field a team. Didn’t Woody Allen once say “showing up is 80% of life.” Man, you kids these days will have no idea who Woody Allen is. I almost don’t know who he is. I promise to bring some more “on fleek” references in the future, “no cap.” (My god kids these days sound like morons). It’s safe to say that the Jags have the first key to victory soundly in the bag.
Key to victory number two: Nico Collins, Robert Woods, Tank Dell, Xavier Hutchinson, and John Metchie collectively make CJ Stroud look like he should have been the number one overall pick in this past NFL draft. Additionally, Bryce Young’s frail frame and brittle body also make CJ Stroud look like he should have been the number one overall pick in this past NFL draft. But I digress, as Carolina benches their franchise because he’s already too banged up to play. I foresee a feast, the likes of which are only rivaled in the great Viking halls of Valhalla. A feast enjoyed by a Jaguars defense who has been playing lights out ball since the first whistle of the first game of the season. I’m predicting a minimum of 5 sacks, two turnovers, and a maximum of 300 total yards for the Texan’s offense (300 because I believe they will get some trash yardage toward the end of this blowout). The Jaguars secondary holds this key to victory. I know that Mike Caldwell’s front seven will get to Stroud on their own but I also believe they will be the beneficiary of some coverage sacks. In addition MC will need to confuse the young QB with some different formations and stunts. Also, blitz the hell out of this guy today please. All of that has been lumped into the second key to victory (cheating you say, because there is technically more than one “key” mentioned. I couldn’t care less about what you think. Although, if you could please like and share this article that would be great. Thank you). OK so here is the most important “second key” to victory for the Jaguars today. Stop the short/quick pass. That will be paramount. Houston is going to want to get it out of Stroud’s hands quickly. Is that a pick six I smell?
Key to victory number three: Offensive execution. In watching last weeks game I discounted the play calling. In re-watching the game and after hearing all of the pressers, you can plainly see that it was a lack of execution that cost us the game. I won’t pick at old wounds as we have moved on, so suffice it to say, the third key to victory is our offense getting their head out of their ass. Trevor was getting in his own way last week. These boys need to take after Martin Lawrence when dealing with Mike Lowrey. Woosah…Woosah! Just relax and play your game. I know the O-line is battered and bruised like most Walmart produce. I also know that in addition to CJ Stroud, the Texans drafted Will Anderson Jr. out of Georgia. Which is why I will be afraid of Houston in three years when their team of collective zygotes grow up and put it all together. Then they will be a solid force, but not now. Now they are a hapless baby crying themselves to sleep and Dewey is the boogie man waiting in the closet for the lights to go out (cue Metallica’s Enter Sandman). As a bonus, Trevor Lawrence will see his old pal Shaq Griffin starting at cornerback for Houston. The Texan’s star defensive back, Derek Stingley Jr. done been put on the IR. I see Ridley, Kirk, Agnew, and Timmy Jones having themselves a day (Zay done be injured as well…sad face emoji). They’ll be all giddy like a bunch of kids who just rang the doorbell of the house giving out full size candy bars on Halloween. Have yourselves some Snickers, WR room. You’re not yourselves when you’re hungry.
As you folks can tell I really can’t narrow down the keys to victory for the Jaguars today. This game feels like it’s David v Goliath. While I know how that little ditty turned out, I just don’t see Houston really doing much of anything against Jacksonville today. I foresee the Jags covering the monstrous 9.5 point spread with relative ease. I think this will be a get right trouncing. A proper welcome to the NFL for CJ, if you will. Jags by a million. Also for future reference, ALWAYS cue Metallica’s Enter Sandman. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.